Yesterday I did Shoulders & Arms, and today I did the latest Yoga workout from the One on One with Tony series, Patience Hummingbird. Just to mix it up a little. I would say that this workout is a little easier than the Fountain of Youth workout I usually do, but it is just as intense. My hips are really tight, and last night I woke up before dawn and my left hip joint was really aching. My hips and knees have been a little iffy since the end of year work party. I don't know why, but the Japanese still insist on having restaurants with no chairs and low tables and everyone has to sit on the floor. Everyone hates it, but they still do it. I don't have anything against floor living. In fact, when I go back to Australia, I often find myself on sitting on the floor and leaning against the couch. It's just that at a restaurant there isn't any room to straighten my legs, and I'm constantly shifting around trying to reduce the stress on my joints. My hips have been popping for a couple of years now, especially when I'm moving them laterally, like when I go to get out of the car or something. Usually it's the right hip that is tight, but now the left hip is playing up a little too. Might have something to do with my back. I'm going to a chiropractor when the holidays are over, for sure.
There are a lot of things I want to write, but I'm conscious of the fact that people I know read this, and I want to present my life in the best light possible, and I don't want them to worry about me, and also my ego prevents me from admitting to making mistakes and showing doubt. I don't feel like I can be honest. Funny, because the only thing really connecting me to anyone I know is my Facebook page, and I'm too chicken shit to delete it even though I want to. I've got one friend that I can talk to here, but we rarely bring up the topic of leaving because we've each had so many good friends leave that it sucks talking about it. Every holiday season I spend in this place, I wonder, how can I get out of here without tearing my life apart, or just as importantly, my sons' lives? I remember when I was applying for the job I have now, and I was talking to my soon-to-be co-worker on the phone about a time for an interview. He said, "So you're married to a Japanese woman and you have a child, is that right?" "Yes," I said. "So basically," he said, "you're rooted, right?" I'm pretty sure he had no idea why I started laughing, maybe only an Australian would get it. "Yep, I'm rooted all right."
So 2010 is about setting myself up to give myself the best shot at getting out of here. That means study, health, and looking for jobs back home. If I somehow wrangle a job to come back to then that would be the best case scenario.
Decide. Commit. Succeed. Right?
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Dont be afraid to speak honestly..... its ok to be brutal sometimes and sad sometimes!! All of your "old" friends would know how much you miss Australia and how "stuck in between 2 countries" you must feel. Do what feels right. Either country offer lots for you all. Think through your decision, talk about your feelings with Junko, trust in the right thing happening. Oh and about facebook, just ditch it, I did, yeasterday. I feel free, no one knows what Im doing anymore and thats the way I like it...... if people want to know how I am, then they can SPEAK to me. Just like the old days XXXXXX
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