Japanese TV

Most Japanese TV is crap. People always think it's awesome because of some of the stuff they've seen on Youtube, and I'm telling you it's not.
But there are exceptions. There was a show I used to watch a few years ago by a comedy duo called London Boots. It's a late night show, really funny. I managed to download one of them recently, and I'll run you through it. Probably the best TV I've ever seen.
The show, London Hearts: Idol Trap, goes like this. A woman writes into London Boots, wanting them to test if her boyfriend is a cheater or not. So they set the guy up. They arrange it so this guy, Nobuyuki, happens to run into a guest celebrity, someone who the girlfriend says Nobuyuki likes, in this case a young starlet called Sakura Uehara. She is wired up, and she has an earpiece so the comedian can tell her what to say. There are hidden cameras everywhere.

Sakura Uehara

In the studio for this episode, you've got the two comedians with the girlfriend in between, and a couple of other celebrities with them. One guy, the older guy, Masaki Kanda, is an actor, and he's not really impressed with what they are doing. "I never watch this show," he says. "Don't like it." "Do you think you can stay till the end?" they ask him? "I'll stay until I want to leave."

So Nobuyuki goes out with a mate to a bar/restaurant and order a beer each, then Sakura and her manager arrive and sit next at the next table. His friend leaves to go to the toilet (he is in on it), and her manager leaves to make a phone call, and they are alone. He looks over, and double-takes. Shit, it's Sakura Uehara! To his credit, he does not hesitate. "I've seen you on TV, you're really good" etc.

They start talking, and she really turns on the charm, and touches his arm when she laughs. He gives her his friend's beer when the drinks they ordered come. "How old are you?" she askes. "23." She is a couple of years older that him. "Do you like older women or younger women?" she asks. "I've never been out with an older woman, but I'd like to try," he says.
Cut to his girlfriend, who is 25 too.
She says that she's sad because lately she's so busy she can't have any fun, and ends up asking him for his mail address. Then her manager comes back, and says that something has come up and they have to go, and they leave. Nobuyuki's friend comes back, and he tells him what happened, he just met Sakura and she wanted his number, and his friend is like "Bullshit!" "Look!" says the guy, "her lipstick's still on your beer!" He obviously can't believe what just happened.

3 days later, they've set up a fake photo shoot for Sakura in a park at night, and she mails him. "Are you busy? I'm bored. Come and cheer me up," she sends. So he comes, watches the photo shoot, and then they sit and chat. Very friendly.

 

Fireworks go off in the distance (all set up by the show). Very romantic and sweet. He tells her of his dream to train dolphins and do a dolphin show. "You would be the first person I'd let swim with my dolphins," he says. His girlfriend says "He told me the same thing!"

"On my next day off, I want to do something fun," Sakura says. "I want to go to an amusement park." "I'll take you," he says. So, they are going to go on a date! He can't believe it! Neither can his girlfriend!

 So the big evening comes, and they meet outside an amusement park. This is kind of a typical first date in Japan in summer, like going to dinner and a movie or something. The girl usually wears a summer kimono, and Sakura does, and he is wearing a men's Summer kimono, called a jinbei. They ask his girlfriend if he owns a jinbei. No, she says. He must have bought it for this date.

They walk around, and go on a roller coaster. They hold hands walking up the stairs! She is scared, he comforts her. It's all wonderful. Then the comedians bring in the Otaku Fan, an actor posing as an extreme fan of Sakura.

Japanese celebrities like her must have thousands of fans like this guy. Total nerds, but kind of perverted, too. Everyone hates them. So he approaches them as they are sitting and talking, and wants to take a picture of Sakura. As he is taking the picture he says, "Sakura, could you squeeze you breasts together a little?" "Hey!" yells the guy. The Otake is also wired, with the comedian telling him what to say. "Could you undo your kimono and show me a little skin?" "Hey!" the guy yells again, and chases the otaku off, slapping him in the face a few times. Then he grabs Sakura's hand and leads her away from the otaku. Briliant.

 

Then they go to a ferris wheel.

They get to the top, and the ferris wheel stops. Sakura pretends to freak out a little, and he hugs her close, telling her not to panic, it'll be okay.

[Danger!!]

The girlfriend can't watch. The studio guests are loving it, but are a little uncomfortable. This getting is dangerous, they say. The older guy looks disgusted.
Then it's a chat on a park bench. They get really close, and he puts her arm around her.

Do you have a girlfriend? (Mind you, everything she says is what she is told to say by the comedians.)

No, but I'd like one.

[Isn't this getting a bit dangerous?]

Please make me your girlfriend.

Will you go out with me?

[Unprecedented Reverse Love Confession!!]

There is pandemonium in the studio.

Sakura: So what do you want to do now?

Nobuyuki: I want to go to your house.

Then he moves in for the kiss.

[State of Emergency!!]

She pulls back, and pretends she's upset. "I'm an old fashioned girl!" she said. "What made you think you can kiss me?" she asks.
"Your lips were inviting me," he says.

They get a taxi back to her house. They had a camera car trailing the taxi, but they couldn't get one inside, so Sakura pretended she was a little flustered and insisted on sitting in the passenger seat reclined with the window down while the guy sat in the back. An uneventful trip, by all accounts. They aren't really going to her house, they are going to an apartment set up by the show with cameras and mikes everywhere. By the time they arrive, she's feeling better.

She changes, and he sits sipping a drink, looking around, thinking he's gonna get laid with this celeb hottie - it's like a dream. That's what they are telling the girlfriend back in the studio. Don't be too upset, it's a dream, it's a dream.

So she comes out and they have a drink, a little shy. They flirt some more. He's waiting for the right moment...

Then they send in the dream breaker. Masaki Kanda, the older guy. He is pretty famous as an actor in tough, gritty cop dramas in the 80's. Pretty scary. They send him into the apartment (the studio guests are actually set up the apartment next door).

He just walks in without knocking, yelling"Oi! Oi! Sakura!" Sakura jumps up, scared. "What are you doing here? Why didn't you call first? Are you drunk again?"

Nobuyuki gets up and immediately grabs his phone and wallet, ready for the quick exit.

[Preparing to escape!!]

Masaki comes in. "Who's this guy?"

"A friend. I wish you had've called."
Masaki sits down. "Get me a beer!" he yells to Sakura. "You, sit down!" he says to Nobuyuki. They sit down. Really awkward.
They exchange greetings. "How many times have you met Sakura?" Masaki asks. "2, 3 times," he says. The guy asks the Masaki, "Are you two seeing each other?" "Yes," says Masaki. "Have been for 2 years." Sakura brings in two beers. "No snacks?" Masaki yells, and she races back into the kitchen.

[No snacks?]

They have a sip of beer. Awkward! Then the older guy says, "Okay. The dream is over. Piss off."

"All right, piss off!!"

"Okay," says the guy. And he leaves. Shattered, of course, but probably glad to get out of a really awkward situation. Not a good scene in there.
...only to find his girlfriend, cameras, and the studio guests waiting outside the apartment! Holy shit!

He can't believe it, obviously. The girlfriend is pissed off, "What do you think you're doing?" etc, they joke about him trying to kiss her in public, ask him what his favourite moment was ("The ferris wheel").
Then he apologises to his girlfriend, then to everyone.

Incredible stuff, obviously not possible in Australia or America or anywhere. I don't think I have ever laughed so much in my life watching a TV show. I remember watching it when it was on in 2003, and they did this kind of stuff every week for ages. It was brilliant. When you imagine the planning, the preparation, everything they do to get it all on camera. Often, in other episodes, they had five or six phones set up, all mailing each other, all thinking they were mailing this hot celebrity chick or guy, when really it was these two comedians. It was a huge hit in Japan. They are still on, but not so bold now. Can't blame them.

The Kim is dead

Dear Leader, perhaps the greatest golfer who ever lived, is dead. And have a look at these people carrying on.

I love the guys who pound their fists on the ground, like they can't believe it! Like it's not fair! Don't think for a minute that it's genuine. It's a show for the neighbours. If it's anything like Japan, which I think it is, they'll have a schedule for crying, with overseers with clip boards stamping the names off of the mourners who grieve adequately, and a gold star for those who really turn it on. And then you have the true believers who say "look how much I'm crying!" and everyone else worried that they are not crying enough in comparison. Mind you, if your neighbour can dob you in and have you shot for not crying sufficiently, it's probably a good idea to cry. Cry for your own ignorance and cowardice for letting it get this bad, you North Korean fools. Cry for that. Someone should have put a bullet in that guy's head a long time ago. And someone should put one in the head of his fat ugly son, too, before it really gets out of hand. I bet Toyota and Foxconn and Apple and Nike can't wait to have a go at these people. What a pliant, gullible, weak, passive lot they must be. Pay them with rice.
Meanwhile, here in Japan, this morning it was my department's turn to turn up to work half an hour early and line up outside the entrance and yell "good morning!" to all 600 workers who enter. I didn't, of course. I am much too cool to do that. Really, I'm serious. I am too cool to do that.

So close, yet...

Here's what's happening. Thursday lunch I get a call from the guy about a job I applied for two months ago. Translator and interpreter at a Japanese-owned factory in Melbourne. "They just called me and they want someone, and I thought of you" he said. "Got a webcam?" I said I would get one. When can you be ready for an interview? Tomorrow morning? I felt like he was thinking more that afternoon, but I was at work, and it was almost 3 in the afternoon in Melbourne anyway. Okay, tomorrow morning, he said. Let me call them. So he called them, and called me back. Tomorrow at 1 okay? 1 your time. Ok, I said. I applied for the next day off, bought a webcam and set it up that night, and went over what I was told to expect. Short translation test, chat with someone in Japanese. My stomach was churning all night and all morning, and in the morning I went to immigration to get a return visa just in case - three weeks ago I went there to renew my visa (it had expired two weeks previously, and I thought I would be going to jail, but no dramas in the end). Did that, came home. Put a shirt on, tried to go over what I should say if they ask me the usual interview questions. So I get through to a HR lady with Skype, and she sends me two documents to translate, one E to J, and one J to E. The J to E was really easy, stuff I do in my sleep here at my work, like "Problem: a strange noise coming from the left gasket. Countermeasure: Clean and lubricate gasket." Thing was, is was about twenty sentences, a lot of stuff just to type, so it took 15 of the allotted 20 minutes I had to do both. The E-J was easy too, but of course it's harder because I'm not a native J speaker, and I never have to do this at work, but I managed. Sent them back a little late. Then the lady comes back with a Japanese woman, and she asks me a few questions in Japanese, like what do you do in your job, can you interpret, can you start next week? What? They want me to work a week, then come back, then if everyone is happy to give notice to my company and start there after the Christmas break. Until June. Any chance of the position becoming more permanent? I asked. No, not really, they said. Hmmmm. "Something you might want to think about when making your decision," said the HR lady. I took that as, "I wouldn't accept this job if I were you".
The interview basically fell on it's arse about this point. Double whammy of next week start and five month contract. I didn't say no, but I was definitely thinking it. Ah well, nevermind, maybe next time, all that stuff. Then I said goodbye, kind of relieved that I did well, but kind of flat, too, of course. Then the guy calls and asked me how it went. I told him about the temporaryness of it. Mate, he said, this job will get you to Australia. And frankly, if they like what you do, they're not going to let you go and work somewhere else. Happens all the time. And if not, you've got five months to find another job, and you'll have me helping you. You don't have to stay at this place if there's a better opportunity. Much easier to find a job when you're living in the same country it's in. Plus, this place is the biggest factory in Australia. Looks good on the resume. He was very persuasive.
I spend the weekend going back and forth. The first thought I had every morning when I wake up was "No". The last when I went to sleep, "Yes". I don't know what to do.
So after talking to lots of people, this is what I decided to do (as of now, Monday morning). I might not have done as well as I thought in the interview. Maybe I'll be knocked back. But I don't think so. I expect I will get a call today. Yep, they want you, can you start next week? Contract until June. I will say "Yes." See you next week. I will go and work there for a week. What I hope to find when I get there is that I am the best Japanese reader, translator, and speaker, with more experience dealing with Japanese people than anyone else there. The Japanese lady said they need someone for next week because they are expecting visitors from Japan, and they need a translator. It sounds like they have no-one there who can do it. Of course, this lady could do it, but she's a woman, and in Japanese culture, women are people who are there to make tea and giggle. I can do it, though I don't know how well. So I want to go there, show that I have something to offer, that I can fill a need. After that, if they still want someone after their little emergency has been solved, I might say that I want a one-year contract with a three-month probation period, with an eye to permanency. I did, after all, fly in at a week's notice and help them out (I would get paid, of course, but still). If they agree to that, I did it. I got a job in Australia. But if I go there and I feel like I am in over my head, like I'm interpreting at high level meetings and shit like that that I cannot do, and/or there's no movement on the five-month thing, I think I'll say, sorry, maybe next time, please call me when there's something a little more permanent and I'll be down in a flash.
At the moment, I have all the time in the world to find a job. If I accept this five-month deal, I have five months to find a job or I'm unemployed. Why put myself in that position? Unemployed in Australia? Been there, done that. Not much fun either.
After a lot of thinking, this is the best path to take, I think. It has been really helpful to talk to people about it, because I have a tendency to hastily rule stuff out and then not reconsider it. At first I thought, nup, next week, can't do it. Maybe after the Christmas break? But I had a coffee with Nori and he said "How about go next week, and if you like it, go again after Christmas if you want. You will know exactly what's going on, and you can make the decision then. If you don't like it, don't go, or hopefully they will really want you, and you can ask for something a little more solid.
Fuck! Perfect! I hadn't considered it. Before I met Nori, I was ready to reel off all these... demands, really. Like "I'm not going before Christmas. I want a one-year contract" etc when all they would be hearing is "no". Now I can say "yes", and then decide "No" later if I want to with a lot more understanding of what's in store for me, and I'm sure with some goodwill saved up, too, which wouldn't hurt.
...
Monday evening, no call, no mails. Still the same answer, but Jesus I'm sick of waiting for mails or calls from this guy. Tomorrow, hopefully.
Tuesday morning, still no contact. Checked on the internet, not many flights left to Melbourne on the weekend.
Tuesday evening. Just turned 5 in Melbourne. Nothing.
I'm guessing someone has popped out of nowhere and pipped me. When I say nowhere, I mean Melbourne. OR, they are just really slack at responding to stuff, which has been the case in the past.
BTW Tiger won again, didn't he. Not much of a tournament, a charity event with 17 players in it. Not a real tournament. The man is scum, but jeez he can hit some pure golf shots. He played awesome at the Presidents cup, especially the last round, just killed Baddelly who played well too. Hard to beat a 65 though.

The Stone Roses?

My favourite band The Stone Roses are getting back together! That officially means I'm old! Holy shit, the Stone Roses are back. I can't believe it. It can only end in disaster, but it'll be brilliant. Watching the press conference, they all look pretty pumped, except John Squire who looks embarrassed. But it's not like they were huge and squeezed everything out of themselves and then faded away like the Eagles or Blur or something. These guys were massive for a couple of years, the whole world wanted them to succeed, but they couldn't do it, and the whole thing shat itself. Maybe this is what will make it different. I'm guessing the buildup will be huge, and the album a vague disappointment, like another Second Coming. Who cares. I'd love to see them again though. All of them, this time.
This clip manages to sum up the Stone Roses career in a couple of minutes.

World Party!

So last week I look on Seek and see a job for a Translator/Interpretor in Melbourne for a "globally renowned" engineering company. I sent my resume off Monday morning. Friday comes, no response, so I call the guy up. Voicemail. I hang up, thinking I'll try again on Monday. He called me back a few minutes later, but I think only because the number came up on his phone as a Japanese number and he was curious. He had not looked at my resume yet (WTF?), but he seemed interested as we talked and I guess he was looking at my resume. He said that the company wants to have week-long trials for prospective employees, so if I was willing to come down and work for a week next month (starting the 21st of November he said) then I was every chance to get the job. "Hey, even if you don't get the job, you get a free holiday! See your family and friends, do some work, get paid!" He said the company wants to do this because they aren't really expecting any applicant to have much engineering experience, which I have nearly 5 years of, so I'm guessing I'm one of the top applicants. Pay is 30% more than I get here. I told him I'd talk it over with my wife and call him on Monday, but I said I can't see why I couldn't take a week off here and do that, and I would call him on Monday. Mail me, he said. I'm rarely able to talk on the phone. Always in meetings or on the phone already. Too busy. Okay. He seemed like a great guy, and really understood my situation. "I like bringing good people back to Melbourne," he said.
Wow. It might happen! I thought. This is it!
Mailed him Monday, yes, let's do this, flexible with the dates, looking forward to hearing from you. Mailed him Tuesday, giving him my work e-mail (just a bullshit excuse to mail him again). Now it's Friday, haven't heard back from him.
So here I am again, waiting for the "Thank you, but unfortunately..." mail that's going to fuck up my week. That's if I even get a mail
In other news, it's a world party! Fuck yea! The bankrupt European economies are all okay now! The uncertainty is over, and it's time to party! Uncertainty. Yes, that must have been the problem. Only that.
I'm just relieved everything is back to normal, and people who are owed billions and billions of dollars aren't really fussed about getting it back anymore, and that hard-working people who save money don't mind giving handing it over to lazy, selfish tax cheats.
It's all good!
Wait... No! It's not all good! Dammit, why isn't it good?

Ow again

Hurt my left shoulder a little bit again, so I'm going to have to tweak things. Pisses me off. Can't swim, can't do this, can't do that. Aging - is there anything good about it? And don't give that "gaining of wisdom" BS. I'm as fucked in the head as I have ever been.
So upper body workouts are out for a month. Let's see. Mondays were Chest & Back. Now? Light exercises to strengthen the rotator cuff, and ARX. Tuesdays can stay Plyo. Wednesdays? "Just Arms" from One on One, and ARX. Thursdays? Yoga is a tough one. I don't think I should do any downward dogs for a while, maybe a couple of weeks at least. So, X Stretch. Fridays used to be Legs & Back, but I can't do the Back part anymore. So I will do "Bun Shaper" from the one on One series, and, of course, ARX. Saturdays, rest. Sundays, the jog. I just overdid it is all. It's not as bad as last time when I could hardly get dressed. It's a good chance to really work on technique, work on not eating crap, eating right, sleeping right, and making sure my shoulder heals up okay. I'll do this until the end of October and see how I feel, and if I feel okay, get back to my P90X schedule, starting at phase 2.
Loved the grand final the other weekend. The first three quarters was the most captivating footy of the year. It was a shootout, and the skills were incredible, even in the crappy weather. I was glad the Swans weren't playing, because we would have got thrashed. Then Geelong rolled them, like we rolled the Saints in the '05 Prelim. Must have been great for the supporters. Tom Hawkins looked Cary-ish. I don't know what it is about him. Maybe everyone thinks he's a natural because he's a big good-looking guy, when actually he's just a young, okay player. Had an awesome final series though. Bartell, amazing. I wish he played for the Swans.
I think the greatest achievement by Scott and the team was to ignore expectations. It would have been fine with everyone if Geelong finished fifth or six, maybe even won a final, and then dropped out. Something like the Swans did this year. Everyone would have excepted that. They are on the way out, lot's of good but oldish players, new coach learning the ropes, playing the kids, rebuilding phase, all that stuff. Can you imagine the enourmous task of turning those expectations around? Like turning around a battleship. But they did it. Great stuff.
Other teams need to look at that and not accept anything less than a premiership. I can imagine the Swans getting complacent with making the finals and then not doing much. There's no reason why we can't do what Geelong did. (Got to get rid of Jessy White and Jetta first, though.) But teams like Richmond, Melbourne, Port Adelaide. The complacency at those clubs must be suffocating. They all have (had) coaches that make excuses. Apologise for their players. A stuffy, privelidged air around the club. Fuck that. Get people in there that only accept success. That's why I feel okay about Voss at Brisbane. They guy will accept nothing but success. Same as Buckley at Collingwood. Hird at Essendon. I am surprised that so many first-time coaches have been picked for next year, especially no-name first time coaches. If I was in charge at a club looking for a coach, I would be asking Leigh Matthews, Paul Roos, Mick Malthouse, Mark Williams, how much would it take to get them at my club? Eade even, though I don't think players like Eade enough to want to win a flag for him. How can Gary Lyon not be coaching Melbourne? The guy would straighten Melbourne out in a week. The whole world knows he would be great at it. Instead they (he) hires some guy no-one's heard of. Again. They lost Scully because he wanted to get to a professional club where he could improve just as much as he wanted the millions. Embarrassing for Melbourne.
The other day I woke up after having a dream about a woman close to me (I don't know who it was, just that we were friends) was diagnosed with cancer. Then on Longreads.com first thing over breakfast I read an article written by a woman dying of liver cancer like mum did. What's up with that?
Also, I quit Facebook. Feels a little strange, but I think I'm going to be okay.

P90X

Apparently the sequel to P90X, P90X:MC2, comes out on Christmas eve. That's about 90 days from now. That's wierd, isn't it. Yes, I'm doing it again. Everything I've done since my last round of P90X has been a compromise. I know that now, after four days of the new round of P90X. I am as sore as a bastard. It's been a long four days. 86 to go. A couple of things; I'm not doing Kempo X. I'm doing a 5 km jog instead. And I'm not doing Yoga X. Too long. I'm doing Hummingbird Yoga from the One on One series instead like last time. Also, my rest week is a little more "resty", with more yoga and stretching. Apart from that, it's the same as the normal schedule. Finding the time, getting into a routine is tough, but I'll get used to it. Legs & Back today...
So the Grand Final is on tomorrow. The most homesickiest day of the year. I did think about flying down to see it, but with the job hunting and money and allotted days off and the kids and everything, before I knew it it was only a week away. Ah well. Next year for sure. I'm actually going for Collingwood. I tipped them at the start of the year, with just about everyone else. I tipped a nightmare year for the Saints, which it was, but I tipped them to miss the finals, which they didn't. I tipped Goodes for the Brownlow, didn't get up though he had a chance. I tipped Freo in the Grand Final - way off. I think I tipped an assault charge for Fevola - still plenty of time for that. I don't know why, but I found myself barracking for Collingwood last week, even though Buddy's goal was awesome. I think it was because the Hawks knocked the Swans out the week before. I have had enough of the Hawks being in Grand Finals to last a lifetime having grown up in the 80's. The Cats? I don't like a lot of their players. I don't like Hawkins, Ottens, Jpod, Stevie J, those two little black-haired guys, the one who got busted dealing and his new clone, the list goes on. All this rags-to-riches stuff about Geelong makes me laugh, too. From a Premiership to *gasp* a Prelim, then back to maybe another Premiership. Spare me. So I hope Collingwood win because they are the best team. Anyway, I'll be watching it on Sunday morning. I hope it's a great game.
I'm quitting Facebook. It's a difficult decision, and perhaps it's going to come to some personal cost to me, but let me try to explain why.
1) In ten years, Mark Zuckerburg will be the richest, most powerful man in the world. Facebook will be the one of biggest economies in the world, with it's own currency (apparently going to be called "credits"), and with access to the personal information of billions. This is disturbing because Zuckerburg is a dead-eyed, Asperger's Syndrome suffering computer geek, with seemingly no concept of personal space or personal privacy, and mentally incapable of understanding human relationships (symptoms of Asperger's). He will be influenced, swayed, and fooled by psychopathic power-hungry men and women who want what he's got. Whether or not it's Zuckerberg or a bunch of shareholders, that's too much power in the hands of too few. Me quitting Facebook won't stop any of it, but at least I won't be a party to it. And when the Facebook death-squads start rounding up dissenters for work camps, hopefully I will be totally off the Facebook grid by then.
2) Facebook is becoming less about keeping in touch with friends and sharing photos, and more about performing for an audience. I have the suspicion that Facebook is ruining the lives of millions of people (maybe more women than men) around the world. The pressure to present their lives as idyllic and perfect to other women must be enormous. Agonizing over how to comment on a photo of an ugly child "Looks just like you!", or an overweight friend "You look so beautiful!". The only other option is to say nothing, and you can't say nothing. Facebook is engineered this way. There is no [Hate] button or [STFU] button. So we end up pressing [Like] to acknowledge that we have indeed reviewed the photo or comment, but have no response to it. "So sad today. My Grandmother passed away last night. RIP Nanny." "Jim likes this". WTF kind of communication is that? Facebook could have a million little buttons to choose from. Jim loves this. Jim thinks this awesome. Jim hates this. Jim thinks this is bullshit. How about a choice of even two or three? But no. One. [Like]. Such a flat, nothing word. And you know what the next button will be? [Like like]. This is keeping in touch? So let the performances continue, but I won't be watching.
3) I don't want everything I do on the Internet shared, recorded, and sold to corporations. "But you can select a checkbox somewhere and they can't monitor you" they say. Yea? Where is it? I think it's bullshit. And I don't really want to know what everyone else is doing all the time, and I don't want them to know what I'm doing. I don't want you to log in to Facebook one day and see "Jim is masturbating to [Midget fucks pregnant ebony slut] on Youjizz." I don't want that. When you know you are being watched, your behaviour changes. It's the same for atoms, lions in the desert, people on the streets in London. I didn't sign up to be modified.
4) And finally, when you strip away all the bullshit above, this is why I want to quit. I don't like how I am always looking at Facebook and slyly trying to check out what other people are doing or saying, or if they are fat or bald or still hot or whatever, kind of like spying on them. I want to stop doing that.
It's a shame because I liked looking at the photos my friends put up, and the message function is convenient (though a bitch to navigate), but the other stuff is just too much. Maybe there's something else. Maybe there's no way to do anything on the Internet that can't be monitored, recorded, and sold. But to be honest, I have never been in less contact with my friends and family, despite Facebook. Or maybe it's because of Facebook. I don't call or mail anyone because I know what they're doing because it's on Facebook, and vise versa. The two letters I've written to friends this year were to friends who aren't on Facebook, and it was great. I got nice long letters back about how they are, what they're doing, etc. I'm going to do more of that.
So that leaves me in a bind about this blog. I could write this crap and not post it, but I think that while I'm living here and not really able to express myself much, this blog is useful. Knowing it is being read is an integral part of it. I'm sure that when I finally find a job in Oz and I move back down, I'll forget all about this blog. But it serves a purpose, and helps me organize my thoughts and set goals. Anyway, catch ya later.

Google translate

I have hit a bit of a hump after going great last week. I have hurt my rotator cuff in my left shoulder. Otherwise known as "swimmer's shoulder". I might give the swimming a miss from now on. Shame. Maybe another jogging session. I didn't actually do it while swimming. I went swimming last Thursday, killed it, felt great, then hurt it on Monday night playing with the kids. It just started aching. I think I might have done it during the Chest & Shoulders workout after work last Monday, so maybe it wasn't swimming. Whatever. I've taken it really easy the last week.
I took the day off work and we all went to Nagashima Spaland last Tuesday, which is a massive amusement park. We just went to the pool section. Jo Jo lost his mind in the wave pool and Willy went on his first proper waterslide. "It was very crazy" he said. Fun day. Mind you, I didn't have to go to work, so it was always going to be an awesome day because I am hating work at the moment.
I'm thinking of changing the oil in my motorcycle so I consulted the manual and decided to translate a section of it because I was bored. Maybe you are interested in where Google Translate is at. I am. Here it is.

ORIGINAL JAPANESE
エンジンオイル
エンジンの性能を維持するためには、定期的なエンジンオイルの点検・補給が必要です。
汚れたオイルや古くなったオイルは、エンジンに悪影響を与えますので、早目に交換してください。エンジン停止直後のメンテナンスは、エンジン本体、マフラやエンジンエキゾーストパイプなどが熱くなっています。ヤケドにご注意ください。
この車の潤滑装置はドライサンプ方式を採用しています。
エンジンオイル量の点検は下記の手順で行ってください。
エンジンを始動して、オイル量の点検をする前に、以上の点検を行ってください。
１．右側サイドカバーを取り外します。（３２ページ参照）
２．オイルレベルゲージを外します。
３．布などでオイルレベルゲージについたオイルを拭きます。
４．車体を垂直に立て、オイルレベルゲージをねじ込まずに差し込みオイルレベルゲージにオイルが付着するかを確かめます。
５．オイルレベルゲージにオイルが付いた場合は、７１ページ記載の要領でオイル量の点検をします。

GOOGLE TRANSLATION
Engine oil
To maintain the performance of the engine, check engine oil supplement is required periodically.
Old oil and dirty oil, so can adversely affect the engine, please replace early. Maintenance after the engine stops, the engine body and the engine is too hot exhaust pipe and muffler. Please note burns.
The car's lubrication system is adopted as the dry method.
Please check the engine oil is doing the steps below.
Start the engine and check oil level before you, please do more inspections.
1. Remove the right side cover. (See page 32)
2. Remove the oil level gauge.
3. Wipe the oil with a cloth and oil level gauge.
4. Body upright, but check to be deposited into the oil to the oil level gauge oil level gauge Neji込Mazu.
5. If the oil level gauge with oil, then check oil level in the manner described on page 71.

MY LITERAL TRANSLATION
Engine Oil
In order to maintain the functionality of the engine, regular inspection and supply of the engine oil is necessary.
Dirty or old oil has a bad effect on the engine, so change it beforehand. The engine, muffler, and exhaust pipe are hot when performing maintenance immediately after stopping the engine. Take care not be burn yourself.
This motorcycle uses the dry sump style lubrication unit.
Follow the instruction below to check the amount of engine oil.
Perform the following inspections before starting the engine and checking the amount of oil.
1. Remove the right side cover (see page 32).
2. Remove the oil level gauge.
3. Wipe off any oil on the oil level gauge with a clean cloth.
4. Stand the motorcycle vertically, insert the oil level gauge without screwing it in, and check the amount of oil on the oil level gauge.
5. If there is oil on the oil level gauge, use the guidelines on page 71 to check the amount of oil.

MY FINISHED TRANSLATION
Engine Oil
You should regularly check the engine oil in order to maintain the performance of the engine.
Dirty or old oil can damage the engine, so it should be changed before this happens. Take care not to burn yourself when performing maintenance immediately after stopping the engine, because the engine, muffler, and exhaust pipe will be hot.
This motorcycle uses the dry sump lubrication method.
Follow the instructions below to check the amount of engine oil.
1. Remove the right side cover (see page 32).
2. Remove the oil level gauge.
3. Wipe off any oil on the oil level gauge with a clean cloth.
4. Stand the motorcycle vertically, insert the oil level gauge without screwing it in, remove it, and check the amount of oil on the oil level gauge.
5. If there is oil on the oil level gauge, use the guidelines on page 71 to check the amount of oil.

Notes:
Google translation: is shit. Steps 1 and 2 are the only acceptable translations. I like the [Please note burns]. "Oh yes, I have burnt myself here, here, and, oh, here. I also note the pain these burns are causing."
My job is safe: for now. And for a while, it seems.
Literal translation: This is my translation using the Japanese as a base. So it sounds stiff and strange, but hey, that's what is says.
Finished translation: A clean up, attempting to make the English more natural-sounding. Also fixing up any unclear sections, like in the Japanese (and the literal translation) it says "insert the oil level gauge without screwing it in, and check the amount of oil on the oil level gauge". That would be pretty hard to do without removing it again. So I added the bit about removing it again.
The hard part is making it sound natural after being distracted by the original language. If my boss told me to just write out a section from scratch about how checking and changing oil is important and how you do it etc for the English edition of this manual, it would sound much better, and it would be different, too. But the translator has a source, and if the source has a look at the translation and can't see that this means this and that means that he might think "WTF? I didn't write this!" and talk to the translator's boss. So it has to be recognizable as a translation, if you know what I mean. Maybe not so much in an enlightened workplace, but you won't find one of those here in Japan, unless, ironically, you go to the Google offices in Tokyo.
Anyway, back to the workouts sans swimming this week.

Week 2 & 3

What a win by Sydney last week. I really expected them to be a little bit flat after the sadness of the week, but they came out fired up. Reminded me of when we played Collingwood earlier this season. In that game it looked like they had really committed to doing everything they can to win. Couldn't beat Collingwood, but we got Geelong. They look really flat, and are in danger of going into the finals with 2 losses. I'm not sure they can make the Granny now. They look shaky. Swans will probably play the Saints first week of the finals. Probably the best outcome for us.
Workouts going well. Running, swimming, stretching, lifting. All good. I feel stronger. I was a bit flat after not getting the IBM job in Brisbane. I keep thinking how cool it would have been to get it. At least the reason I didn't get it has nothing to do with me, more to do with the job. Hopefully a position I am suitable for will open up there in the near future. It has spurred me on to get better at what I do. I don't want to be given the chance to work there and then flunk the interview.
The Chest, Back & Shoulders workout is the problem. It's long and hard. I think what I'll do is take out all of the pull-up exercises out of it, which cuts it down to eight exercises, and with the pull-ups, I'll "grease the groove". That means, every time I walk under my pull-up bar, I do between 5 - 10 pull-ups. So instead of doing them during a once-a-week workout and doing, say, 25 of them, I'll do some every time I go down to the garage, with might be many times a day, meaning I'll do 100s a week without the fatigue.

Day 7 & 8

Fire Up Your Abs the other day was pretty good. Not too strenuous, but the last round got me sweating. And the 900 m swim last night was pretty cruizy. 6 lots of six laps. Funny, three weeks ago I struggled to swim four laps in a row, now I can do 6 x 6.
At the pool there were two swimmers (me and another guy) and four lifeguards.
My bike motor is making a pretty loud clicking noise each rev. I usually listen to my ipod while I'm riding, but I can still hear it. Tick tick tick tick. I might take it to a mechanics this weekend.
Fear is compelling me to study Japanese, fear of finally getting contacted by IBM and the flunking the Japanese section of the interview. You know that little voice that says, "Hmmm, it might be best if you didn't leave this to chance, do a little preparation even though it appears the interview might not happen", the voice that competes with the other voice that says, "Ah, fuck it". There's always voices in my head telling me to do stuff.
*Just got a mail from IBM. No good, as expected. They wanted a native Japanese. Anyway, I'll keep at the study so I'm a little more confident going into Japanese interviews.

Day 7

So it's 20 years since Nevermind. Holy shit. I remember driving to Rosebud with Adam and Craig and Max listening to it over and over, and we all loved it straight away. By the time Kurt Cobain was dead I had moved on to the British pop, then a few years later to techno, and then that pretty much did it for me with music.
I have given up on the Lee Child's book. I'm four chapters in, but I've already worked out the two twists so far in the story ages before the protagonist did, which can't be good. Harlen Coben is the best popular thriller writer around. I'll get one of his books next, I think.
Chest, Back, and Shoulders on Monday was good. I didn't go crazy, just focused on form, and didn't really push it. Next week I hope to get a couple more reps in for each exercise. I'm feeling it today though, two days later. Yesterday I had my rest day. Got the Rev Abs workout tonight.

Day 5

Days two, three, and four have come and gone. The stretch was good. The Arms workout was fine, though it appears someone has stolen my 15 kg dumbbells. The garage door is left open sometimes, and they are right near the entrance, so there you go. Funny how they only took them, and not anything else, like my toolbox or ipod, which were also there. So someone ran in, grabbed 30 kg of weight, half the body weight of most people here, and raced out again. Weird. Maybe I have misplaced them, but I can't think where else I would have put them. So I did all the exercises with the 10 kg dumbbells, which isn't really enough. So I'll either buy some more, which I don't want to do, or every Saturday go to the gym and do it, which I might do because it's more interesting than doing it in the garage and I'll get better results. Day four was the 4 km run, no dramas.
Still no word from IBM, though I noticed they re-posted the position vacancy last week. Weird. Lots of weirdness recently.
Finished the Hyperion Cantos. Great stuff. Wish I could erase all memory of it and read it again for the first time. Started reading Killing Floor by Lee Childs. Only a couple of chapters in, but I like it.
Great win by the Swans this week. It feels so good beating St Kilda. I don't know why, it just does. We are still carrying too many duds. They must trade White and Jetta. White would be okay if he could kick straight, but Jetta costs us every time he gets the ball. Granted he can run fast, but if you can't run and kick, or run and think, what good is running? So we will get pumped by Geelong next week, and then have to beat the Lions in Sydney. Too be honest, I don't have good feelings about the next two weeks. I think we might limp into the finals, but not do anything. Won't matter in the end, because it'll be a Geelong/Collingwood granny. Hope so, anyway.

Day 1 "I got dis"

Day 1 went well. The pool I go to is in Toyota, kind of on the way home from work. It's a completely stainless steel pool, which is kind of unusual. Even more unusual is that there is always only a handful of people in it. Go to the local pool in my city and there are at least fifty people in there at any one time, most of who are walkers, old people who just walk up and down the pool, creating this really strong current. Of course, the Toyota pool has kyukei time, meaning rest time, and at 50 minutes past the hour, every hour, everyone has to get out for ten minutes. Why? I don't know. To rest. The two lifeguards on duty are changed over in an elaborate and choreographed routine involving raised hands and whistles, where the empty pool is never left unmonitored, not even for a second, as the old lifeguards leave their raised seats and are replaced by the new ones. Then the radio calisthenics song comes over the PA system, which is a five minute stretching song that everyone knows. They play it here at work every morning at 8:25, though I have never seen anyone do it here. Too much like hard work maybe. But at the pool, everyone does it. Old people, kids, everyone. Except me, because I don't know the routine. So I sit there while everyone does this stretching routine, thinking, come on, I just want to go in the pool. It's probably one of those things that a newbie would think is charming or delightful, oh aren't the Japanese cute, sort of thing. I just think they are the Borg.
I'm an okay swimmer, though of course my endurance is crap. I can swim 200 metres non-stop, but that's about it. I'm trying to breath every three strokes, alternating left and right sides. Right is fine, but left is hard. So I did my 32 laps and got out. A guy in my lane must have done 100 laps while I was there, and he was still going when I left. Amazing. But I know swimming is like running. If you keep it up, you pretty quickly get good at it. My neck is still a bit stiff from last week, but not any worse. Tonight I've got the ol' X-Stretch. I will listen to the end of the Hyperion books while I do it.
Can I just say how great all the footy panel shows are? How do guys with Foxtel stay married? The first one I watch is Footy Classified. It's probably the most gossipy of the shows. I like the panel, especially Garry Lyon and Caroline Wilson. Then it's On The Couch, which is a little drier, but Paul Roos has saved it. I have started watching AFL Insider, which is interesting because they have a current coach on the panel. Then there's AFL 360, which is quickly becoming my favourite, surprising because everything they're talking about has been talked to death already. Then there's The Footy Show, which is always good value. Then there's The Winners, which I don't get to watch much because the torrent always come late. There's more if I wanted, like the one with Quartermaine and Walls, or the jokey one with Dunstall and Frawley, and the Final Siren, or the Before the Game shows, heaps of them. It's crazy.
I'm halfway through watching The Change Up. Much funnier than anything I've seen this year. It's not really the story or anything, just the two actors in it, Jason Bateman (who I'm pretty sure played Malory Keaton in Family Ties) and Ryan Reynolds, who wasn't man enough for Scarlett Johannson. I like the swearing in it, the tits, and when the baby shits in the man's mouth.
Haven't heard anything from IBM about the job in Brisbane. The job is still being advertised, and the computer says my application is still under review, but I'm officially assuming it's not going to happen. It's been three weeks. And if I'm not getting a call back for a job I am more than qualified for, then I can't help but think that I'm stuck here forever, listening to two of the biggest dorks in the world behind me chatter non-stop about fonts or something. Someone get me out of here! On the other hand, it looks like the world has shit itself again today, so maybe Disneyrand is the only place to be. Going to be an interesting few months.
Willy had a fever last night. It's funny, because it was only a few days ago Junko and I were saying we can't remember the last time he was sick. Karma police. He jumped onto my bed this morning at about 4 and I woke up instantly. It felt like he had just gotten out of a really hot bath or something. I spoke to him on the phone just then and he sounds alright.

Autumn 2011 - "I got dis"

I'm as flat as a tack from the job hunting failures, Richmond rolling the Swans and all but crushing our finals chances, the life-sapping nature of the weather, and being back at work after a week's holiday, but I'm going to start a 90-day round tonight with an 800 m swim. I did a kilometer last week, but it ruined my neck, and was probably over doing it a little.
I have done very little exercise since I hurt my back a month ago. That was after a two week break, so I haven't done much at all for six or seven weeks. Time to get back into it.
Swim Thursday, stretch Friday, then Arms, a run (starting at 4 km, working up to then staying at 8), then Chest Back and shoulders, a rest, the one Rev Abs workout called "Fire Up Your Abs". That's the week.
I come in at 84.5 kilograms, the heaviest I have ever been. I like feeling strong and heavy, but I have seen the tone disappear in the last month. This should sort it out.

Autumn

I've watched a few movies recently. Last night I watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes. A really good movie. Best movie I've seen this year. Nothing amazing, just a well made flick. I watched Super 8 the other night, too. I liked the stuff with the kids, but the monster plot was pretty weak. I watched it to the end, which is probably how I rate movies now. No stars, just "If I didn't watch the whole thing, how many minutes did I get through". Hey Jim, how was Super 8? Well, I didn't turn it off! Wow, that good, huh? How about Cowboys & Aliens? 20 minutes. It has Harrison Ford in it, so you know it's bad. Also, apparently if you wake up and you don't remember who you are, most likely you are an assassin. The first sign is when you beat the shit out of the first person you meet without even trying. Maybe the stress of being an assassin is causing this spate of amnesia cases. The International Assassin Association should look into it.
You know what I'm sick of in movies? Unrealism. Like when a guy beats up five armed men who have him surrounded. Have a look at movies like Frantic or The Next Three Days. Most of us aren't, or weren't assassins, or CIA operatives, or Navy Seals. Most of us wouldn't have a clue how to shoot a gun or knock someone out. I am sick of watching characters who apparently do not have super human powers do shit that is impossible. Jason Bourne in the Bourne movies is about my limit. Anything more than that, and it falls into the BS category. Again, I want to express my admiration for the movie The Other Guys for tackling a lot of what I am talking about. The death scene of Samuel L Jackson and the Rock was awesome. I also watched Bridesmaids. Pretty funny. Watched the whole thing, just. She got the man in the end, which seems to mean that it doesn't matter that she's unemployable or broke anymore, because someone else is going to take care of that for her now. She can heal herself through baking. Awww. And she found the only person in the movie with a job, which was lucky. When I say job, it wasn't like he seemed to do anything, but he wore job clothes, so...
Tiger fired his caddie. That's good news. And like the true asshole he is, Steve Williams cannot keep his mouth shut about the guy who has made him the richest New Zealander in the world. I don't know if that's true, but it must be close. Sure, he probably has a right to feel a little burnt, but he is a completely classless individual, which is why no-one believes him when he says he had no idea what Tiger was getting up to. Great caddie though.
More than a year ago I wrote this to a friend. "The one chance that Tiger's got will be if his mother has stepped in and taken over. This is what I would do if I were her. 1. Get my son out of the papers. Pay someone to watch him 24/7. Pay off all these women he shagged to keep their mouths shut. 2. Create a confidential two year plan that slowly but surely gets rid of everyone who let this shit happen, or even assisted Tiger in throwing his life away, TEAM ENABLEMENT someone called it. Management, caddie, coach, everyone. Wife even. And replace them with people I trust, and who are answerable to ME. 3. Restrict his endorsements to golf companies only. Why should he be asnwerable to Gatorade, Buick, Accenture? Who are they to tell my son what to do? Bottom line: She has to get all Asian mother on his ass."
Since then, he has gotten rid of his wife, coach, and caddie, and hopefully a few other people behind the scenes. He's been pretty quiet. I wonder if this is what's happening? His golf was ordinary this week, usual stuff. Driving and putting. At least he's actually going to be playing in the upcoming PGA. It has sucked not having the best player ever not playing. I don't know about Rory McIlroy. he seems like a bit of a bitch. I have become a big fan of Ricky Fowler though, despite what he wears. Good golfer, likes the big time, interesting story. Apparently Puma shafted Geoff Ogilvy in favour of young Ricky, but you can't argue the decision. Goeff hasn't done much for a while.
Still no word from the job in Brisbane. Surely, for a job I tick all the boxes for and then some, I've got to be in the running. But you never know, do you? Nothing like job hunting to make you feel invisible.
Will's birthday was on Friday. We had a great day. Actually, I had a better day on Thursday when I took the day off work (my first sickie in six months) to look after the kids while Junko went to Costco in Osaka. Around dinner time I thought, it's days like this I'm going to remember when I'm old. We had a nice breakfast, I brought out the inflatable wading pool and the kids had a great time, Will and I did some drawing while Jo Jo had a nap, hung out with Jo Jo at the mall while Will had his puzzle school, a really great day. But Will's birthday and the weekend was good too, but I think everyone is a little burnt out (might be the heat), and it is taking Will a little while to understand that not every day is about getting stuff.
This shit with the stock exchange is amazing. Look what has happened in the ten years since 9/11. A dozen men with box cutters. That's all it took. The Western world is totally owned by the banks now. Our security depends on their success. If they are not continuing to drain billions and billions out of us every three months, we feel insecure, like the world will somehow end. 2008 was our last chance to be free of them.
BTW starting a new round tomorrow. Got some swimming in there this time, too.

Rev Abs

I hurt my back really badly a couple of weeks ago, doing the dishes. I felt the muscles rip, and there you go. Couldn't really move for a week, then a few days of discomfort, now it's feeling pretty good, though still a little stiff. I've taken it easy, eaten lots of chips, pretty much done no physical activity. Now it's time to get back into it. Easy at first, though.
I'm going to do Rev Abs. Looks okay, not as hard as P90X, so that's good. I want to get back into the groove of getting up, pressing play, and working out. Also, I want to start going to sleep earlier during this round. Which means I have to control my leisure time.
TV essentials
Football - Swans match. Footy Classified. AFL 360. The Footy Show. The Winners.
Other stuff - Breaking Bad. A movie now and then.
If I'm not watching any of these, I'm wasting my time watching people falling over.
Also, no chips, coffee, or chocolate, blah, blah, blah.
Either this is as fit as I'm ever going to be, or I'm going to get fitter.
I have applied for 3 jobs in Australia this month. Golf club assembler at Mizuno Australia in Malvern (I pissed off the woman in HR with my persistence), Assistant Tournament Organiser for the PGA of Australia in Frankston (heard nothing back), and Translator at IBM in Brisbane (the computer says my application is currently under review). For the last one I didn't even have to lie in my application - the job is doing exactly what I do here. Plus, I know a guy who used to work here at my company in Japan who works at IBM in Brisbane now, and mailed him, and he's like "Hey! Yea, it's really good working here, I'm loving it!" Shoe-in, right? Except he said that the guy who left was a Japanese guy who translated English into Japanese, so they probably want to replace him with similar. So shit. Not having much luck. At first I was hesitant about living in Brisbane, but really, it would be interesting to live there for a while, wouldn't it. Melbourne's only a two hour flight away, and the weather is awesome, and an hour from the Gold Coast. But while I wait in vain for some kind of positive response from anyone about anything from Australia, something to go my way employment-wise, I think about getting out of here and how much it excites me. I can't shake the feeling that this place is finished, and I don't want my sons to grow up surrounded a hundred million old, tired, radioactive people.
So this month has been a roller-coaster. Trying to keep a lid on my hopes, trying not to think about how the phone could ring at any moment and two days later I could be on a plane going to a job interview for a job I really want and completely change our lives. I am excited about the IBM job, but even though I'm perfectly qualified for the job they advertised, I can't see how it's going to happen. I applied using their application website, a bunch of drop boxes and check boxes, and I just feel like a computer somewhere will soon send me an automated response wishing me all the best in the future. It is so hard to get passed these HR departments and employment agencies. I live in Japan, and the job's in Australia. End of story. Anyway, mustn't become despondent, because one day it'll happen.

Oh Shit, Special Announcement

Tiger's got a special announcement. My tip? Out for the rest of 2011. Maybe treatment for painkiller addiction. Bottom line - finished. What a fizzer to the greatest career in golf.
Had a shitty week myself. A job opens up at Mizuno Australia in Melbourne just the week I've decided I've had enough of living in Japan. Funny how the universe works. Just have to get over the Mizuno HR department and then... Nah. No good. I got a "thanks but unfortunately" letter, and then when I wrote another letter basically pleading for phone interview, the lady in HR sounded pissed off that I was asking for something that was hers to give. So I'm really, really flat. So fuck it, if Tiger wants to finish, okay.

Wish I was on Hamilton Island

Warming up here lately, a couple of 30+ degree days. I went for a run on Wedensday and found it really hard to cool down afterwards and had an uncomfortable sleep. The seasonal headaches have appeared to have stopped, which makes living a lot easier. I do have a bruised coccyx though, which makes it uncomfortable to sit down for long periods, which is exactly what I do every day. I don't know how I did it, and I hope it goes away. It might even be a consequence of my hips being so tight. I'm going to do X-Stretch tomorrow and really concentrate on doing every stretch the best as I can. I've got Chest, Back and Shoulders tonight.
Swans got pumped by Carlton, and we are going to get pumped by Collingwood this week, like every time we play them at ANZ stadium. Probably my least favourite fixture of the whole year. Ah well. We are doing okay.
For some reason I have become pretty motivated to study Japanese, though I'm finding it hard to come up with some kind of structure to my study. All I'm doing is working on my vocab and reading at the moment. It's just so hard to get those words to stay in my head.
Anyway, god luck to Fitzy and Naomi who are getting married this weekend at Hamilton Island. Have fun you guys!

Summer '11

So Round 6 Redux died a protracted death. I did about half of the workouts, but it was hard to get out and run in the rain, and I didn't bother with the stretching or yoga, which I probably should be doing more than the resistance workouts. So I started Round 6 Reloaded, which will see me through the Summer. I did a 5 km run on Sunday, and an Arms workout last night. Got a rest day today, then Chest, Shoulders & Back on Wednesday, another run on Thursday, abs workout Friday, and Yoga or stretching on Saturday. And repeat for 12 weeks. Should keep me in pretty good shape.
Other goals I want to achieve, nothing new - Cut down coffee and chocolate to 1 can 1 kitkat a day. Nothing to eat after 7 in the evening, except popcorn with a bit of butter or salt. More reading. More trips to the golf driving range. Less clutter in my life.
I'm reading Pet Sematary by Stephen King. I haven't read any Stephen King books except the first half of Dreamcatcher, which I liked and got the movie out. I like this one too, but I'll gladly put the book down and watch the movie, and then that'll be it. I might try one of his earlier novels next time, see what they're like. I find his work unsatisfying for some reason. Maybe his ideas are better than his writing, I dunno.
Swannies going great. The win against the Lions was a pleasure to watch, not the usual gut-wrenching experience that watching the Swans is. We've got Richmond next. Sweet.

Hey

Seve Ballesteros died the other week. One of my golfing heroes. I had been thinking about him for a month or so before he died. I even linked to a video of him on my Facebook page a few weeks ago. I knew he was poorly, but not that bad. Watching him on those videos, wow. The swing, the passion, the soft hands. Some of the shots he hit were amazing. Has there ever been a more talented golfer? And the celebration on the 18th at St Andrews in 1984 when he holed the birdie putt to seal the win is probably the best celebration in golf. No-one came close to him in the 80's. His Masters performances in that time were amazing. Won it in '80 and '83. '85 - Lost a duel with the great Bernhard Langer. '86 - Had it won! After his second shot on 13 to three foot for eagle, his caddy stupidly offered to shake his hand. And Seve shook it! The Golfing Gods don't like that kind of thing. They gave him that putt, but then he put it in the water on 15 and 16, and Nicklaus shot 30 on the back nine to beat him, Norman, and Kite, in probably the best Masters ever. '87 - he was in the play off along with Norman and Mize, but missed a three footer at 10 and was out, and then on the next hole Mize chipped in to destroy Norman forever. He had the lead in '89 too, but dropped away. Quite a performance. He starred in the British Open too, especially in '88 when he and Nick Price had a shootout. That was an amazing tournament. He was a little before my time, but he definitely set the scene for the European dominance of golf with Lyle, Faldo, Woosnam, Olazabal following him. It's really sad to see him go so early. I've mentioned it before, but there is an interview with him on the eve of last year's British Open when they invited him to a past champions dinner but he couldn't go, so the BBC sent a reporter to his house to interview him. He had that faraway look that Alzheimer's sufferers get, understandably seeing how they had to cut out a lot of his brain out to get rid of the tumour, but otherwise he seemed okay. It's a great interview. Tiger's out injured again, and out of the top 10! Sometime this year we'll get the news that he's hooked on painkillers. I have no doubt about that. He has looked stoned off his nut in some of the interviews I've seen of him.
Swannies beat the Bulldogs in Canberra! Amazing! And a good win against Port, too. Shocking loss to Hawthorn though. Buddy has never really played well against us in the past, but he sure did on Sunday. North this week. Hate 'em.
Can I just say that it is hilarious that someone died planking. And there's another guy in a coma from planking, I hear. He should die of embarrassment.
I'm reading Hyperion again, or at least listening to it. Books have become like movies to me. I no longer feel the compulsion to watch or read something to the end if it doesn't have my full attention. I've got heaps of movies on my computer that I've watched the first hour of but turned off, never to return. Never Let Me Go, sorry, had to let you go. True Grit, nup. Tron, nup. Same with books. Even the latest Iain Banks books have failed to see the end. Is it me? Kind of. But if I'm not compelled to keep watching or reading, whose fault is that? The tragedy would be if I stop starting things. But sometimes I just want to watch or read something I know I will love. So I have gone back to Hyperion, and I will read it until I don't want to anymore. Which will probably mean I'll read the whole series of 4 books again. This book is one of those things that I envy people who haven't experienced it, and I wish I could go back and experience it again for the first time. Seven people on a pilgrimage to meet the Shrike, a mythical killing machine who grants the wishes of one and kills the rest. As they make the journey, they decided to tell each other their story, and the book consists of these stories. The first one is about a priest's journey to find the Bakira, descendants of the crew of a colony ship that is thought to have crashed on the unexplored side of Hyperion hundreds of years ago. A great, nightmarish story.

Round 6 Week 2

I've done all the runs and the resistance workouts, but I can't seem to get up for the Insanity workouts or the Yoga. I haven't done one of them yet. So this round is basically abandoned seeing as though I'm only doing half of it. I'm just wondering what to do. Just start doing them, I guess.
I have to work today, a Saturday, which sucks. Only about a third of my department have bothered to come in, so it's a quiet day. Still got a shit load of work to do. Things haven't calmed down much since the March madness. Just do it, I guess.
I had a good Golden Week. Went to Toyohashi Zoo again, though this time it was packed. Hung out with Will and Jo Jo a lot. Ate a ton of Subway. Did I tell you a Subway had opened up recently in my local shopping center? I thought Subway were gone from this country forever, but they seem to be attempting a resurgence. I hope they do well, though not so well that I have to wait in queues for ages. The way I see it, they are ultimately doomed because children make the majority of food decisions here, and no child will choose to eat a sandwich, especially when there's a KFC or MacDonalds around. Except my child, William. He loves the ham 6-incher (with capsicum!). Superstar. BTW, is broccoli an optional topping anywhere else? It is here. And the other day, I ordered a ham, and the chick misheard me and thought I said Chicken tandoori. WTF?
Me: Ham, please.
Chick: Certainly sir. Chicken Tandoori. What kind of bread?
Me: WTF?
Swans beaten by Carlton in Sydney. Another crappy day weather-wise. What's up with the weather in Sydney? Anyway, Jack holds Judd for the first half, Jack does ankle, Judd dominates for the last half and wins the game for Carlton, and Jack is out for 6 weeks. No good.
Regardless of whether Longmire can coach or not, we missed out on that fresh breeze that a club gets when a new coach takes over, because he's been at the club for six years or so beforehand. I think we needed a new approach after Roos to lift the older players and give the club a different perspective. We are losing games from three or four goals up, which we never used to do. It's a problem. Still, only early. We need a win though. Shame we've got the Bulldogs in Canberra, which we never win.
Congrats to Stevie and Sarah! I hope you had a great day!

Round 6 - First Week

On Day 1, I did Yoga Meltdown 2 with The Biggest Loser trainer Jillian Michaels. It's interesting doing different kinds of Yoga. I haven't done too many, but Tony's is still the best. This wasn't easy though. There were a couple of moves I couldn't do. And there were a lot of exercises. It was more like a 30-minute warm up for P90X Plyo than the Yoga Tony does. Hayfever hit me hard. Felt really ordinary.
I'm down to one can of coffee a day, and I feel I have achieved something. I've gotten it under control. It seems that the busier I get, the more coffee I drink, and the more agitated I feel.
On Day 2 I ran 8 km. It was pleasant. But that night I had an irregular heart beat. We had just put the kids to bed, and I was about to settle down and watch a bit of Footy Classified, when it happened. I don't know if it was the run, or if it was because Will jumped on my chest five minutes before they started. The first one lasted a couple of minutes, then stopped. Then it happened again for another couple of minutes. It wasn't painful. It feels like my heart skips a beat every few beats or so. I turned the TV off and went to bed, but if it had have happened again I probably would have driven myself to hospital. But it didn't, and it hasn't since, so what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right?
On Day 3 I did Killer Abs, from the Tony 1 on 1 series. Good stuff.
Day 4 I missed my Insanity workout. Maybe on purpose because I was worried about having an irregular heart beat again. But I missed it.
Day 5: Arms.
Day 6: 10 km run. In the rain. I don't mind running in the rain.
Day 7: Chest and Back. Missed it. I played golf though. Played pretty bad. I played with clubs I haven't used before which seemed to hook everything. And if I hit a bad shot, the next one seemed to be tougher, like a bunker shot to a close pin, or a pitch over a bunker or something. I didn't get away with anything like you do when you are playing well. And I putted like a moron. Highlight? Second shot to a par five, 210-yard water carry, hooked a 4-wood into the front greenside bunker. Not much of a highlight, but not much to choose from.
Cats beat Swans last week. Crappy weather, not a bad game, but hard to tell how we played. Gotta love the Cats' intensity. Chapman was great as usual. Shaw was doing okay this year until he kicked it straight to a guy twenty meters out who kicked it straight back over his head for a goal. I think we were only a goal back with ten minutes to play at that stage. Can't blame him though. We need LRT, Bradshaw (he does still play football, right?) and Kennelly back to be a force this year. We've got the bye this week, so maybe in a couple of weeks we'll see some of them. Next game: Carlton on a Friday night at the SCG! We've got the wood on them at the minute, but it'll be a great game.
I saw Sucker Punch last week. Here it's called Angel Wars. They only have the dubbed version at the cinemas, so I was never quite sure what was going on, but never mind because every scene had young women in underwear. But I have decided that Zack Snyder makes better trailers than he does movies. Maybe he should just make a few trailers every year.

Round 6 Preliminary Thoughts

On Monday I start Round 6. And I'm going to stop putting crap into my body. And by crap,I mean cans of coffee, cakes, doughnuts, and chips.
This round will consist of an eight day cycle, which consists of two 8 km runs, two Insanity workouts, two resistance workouts, a Yoga or Stretch, and a rest day. I hope to lose a couple of kgs, because I am now at 84, the heaviest I have ever been.
I couldn't do the 15 km run, which was disappointing, but oh well. I did 13 km a few weeks ago, which is something I never thought I would do, or even wanted to do. But this time I gave up after 6 kms. My hips had been aching all week, they were aching a little when I was running, and I was scared of what another 9 km was going to do to them. I'm not a young man anymore, and it's becoming clear that my hips are going to be an issue as I get older. They pop a lot when I move my leg outwards as if I'm getting out of a car. After walking a lot, they pop easily and painlessly and it doesn't ache, but when I'm inactive, they pop harder, and it doesn't feel any better. It's not really an issue at the moment. I think the worst thing I can do is stop exercising. But they will always be an issue, and if I need hip transplants when I'm sixty, I'll do it. But in the meantime I'll get some fish oil tablets, multi vitamins, and go easy with the running. I don't think the running is causing the problem. It's probably more the poor posture and hours and hours sitting down in front of a computer at work. My back and shoulders gradually get pulled out of shape which puts pressure on my hip joints. I might get a massage next pay day to sort it out.
The Masters was weird. The guy who won it played awesome. What's him name, Swartzel or something, will join that guy who won the Open and the other guy who won a major last year as someone you'll never hear of again.Jason Day was great, but boy he has to learn to calm down when he's in contention. He was amped. I think Adam Scott was just relieved he didn't choke. Tiger hit the shots, but like just about every Masters since '05, if he had putted well, he would have won it. I thought when he knocked it to six foot on 15 for eagle, I thought 'he's done it. He's going to win.' But he missed. Then missed the putt on sixteen. Then it didn't matter. And I was really pissed off with his interview afterward. The guy asked the perfect question - "Do you think you played well enough to win the Masters?" His answer, "We'll see." The guy tried again, giving Tiger the chance to reflect on his round, how he feels being in contention again, his life, his golf, and all he got was that shit. "We'll see" and "You never know." I'm not sure if it's just a superstar being guarded about what he says, like he's been burned by the press, or maybe he's afraid something will be misconstrued or something. But I'm beginning to think he's incapable of reflection, just an empty man who can only talk in competitive, never-show-weakness terms. His demeanor on the course reminds me so much of Greg Norman in the late 90's. Bored of losing. Going through the motions. Cynical. He'll end up like Norman, too. Unpopular, a businessman, divorcing his wife after a fight and marrying the next woman he lusts after. Excited more by his golf course architecture business and vineyard more than playing competitive golf. Never looking at anyone while on the course. Just looking off into the distance, looking bored, pissed off. You know why people love Phil Mickelson? He seems to actually enjoy playing golf, and he actually seems to appreciate that people come out to watch him play. It's no wonder they hate each other.
Swannies did it again. 3 games, 2 wins and a draw. 3 thrillers. Cats this week. I can't remember the last time we beat the Cats, probably the Prelim when Davis went crazy in the last five minutes in '05, and I doubt we can do it this year, either. But the Swans are an amazing team, and it looks like another year in the finals. We are spoiled as supporters.

Round 5 - Day 85

I only ran 9 km on Sunday. Kind of talked myself out of it, but my legs were really aching after a Legs & Back on the Friday. I'm still confident about being able to do the 15 km on Sunday, but I have to shut the voice up when it gets hard. I've been able to do it every other time, but Sunday I had to agree with it when it said "Ow, my legs hurt. You should stop. 9 km is plenty, etc." Apart from that, I've enjoyed this round a lot. Again, the shorter workouts are great, and I'll continue to do these in the next round. At this stage I use my ipod to listen to the warmup of the workout I'm doing, mainly just for timing's sake, then turn it off and refer to a sheet I made with 12 or 13 exercises on it while I listen to an audiobook or watch something else. It probably still takes 40 minutes to do, but that's because I have a lot of rests. I think that next round I'll completely ditch the videos, make some kind of warm-up routine for myself, and eliminate some of the exercises I think are a waste of time and put in other stuff. I'll also do two short runs of 8 km a week instead of one really long one. I was thinking of just maintaining until P90X 2 comes out, and then do that full-on.
Swannies! I love beating Essendon. I didn't think we would, because they are the glamour side going in, and I didn't think we would win in the third quarter when we are getting rolled after hitting the front for a couple of seconds, but as usual, Jude Bolton inspired the team to victory. What a player. It's only round 2, but there have been heaps of great games already. It was a shame to see the Gold Coast Suns get pumped by so much. Everyone says Gary Ablett is "underdone". Was he injured during pre-season? I hope they win a few games. Richmond haven't won anything yet, but just like every year we all have to agree that they've improved. I don't think so. I picked them for 10th, and that's probably where they are right now. Collingwood are awesome, and I hope they pump the Blues this week. We've got West Coast. Another thriller? Surely not.
I watched "Limitless" on Sunday night. Good movie. Moral of the story: Drugs are great. Coming down sucks, so make sure you don't come down. Actually, I've seen a few good movies the last couple of months. The trick is staying away from movies you know are going to be shit, like the Green Lantern, or a Nicholas Cage movie, anything with Nicole Kidman, anything animated (except a Toy Story movie). With Limitless, it was a bit disappointing to see how quickly the guy ditches making art for making money, like finance is the pinnacle of human endeavours, and writing books is for losers. But then he ditches both for politics. Wow. A movie for our times, for sure.
Well, it's that time of year. The Masters. Again, the question is, just like last year, what will Tiger do? Phil Mickelson won last week, and he is a form player, so he is definitely the favourite. But Tiger? He has played some good tournaments, but also some awful ones. He's come close a couple of times, but lately he has been playing pretty badly. Why he is attempting a swing change during the most turbulent time in his personal life is beyond me. His swing looks terrible these days. Cramped, stiff. He appears to have fallen into the trap of becoming too analytical about his swing. If you are worrying too much about the angle of your left wrist at impact or stuff like that, you just can't get any feel. I read about how in 1983 when Seve was at his peak, he had someone film him hitting the golf ball and measure everything about it - distance between him and the ball, angles, time, feet positions, hand positions, etc. His theory was that if he wasn't playing well, it was because he somehow gotten out of whack, and all he had to do was go back to the data he made when he was playing well and make sure he was doing everything the same. It makes sense, but of course this didn't work. Things change over time. Your body loses flexibility, you lose or gain weight, your back feels lose or stiff. He ditched it after a couple of years and concentrated on doing what felt comfortable or natural, and he had two or three years as the dominant player in the world and won a heap of tournaments. This will happen with Tiger, too, I hope. Golfer's swings tighten up naturally as they get older, but Tiger's swing when he was twenty is so different than it is now it's amazing. He is physically different, too, from all the growth hormones he has taken over the years, probably. He hasn't lost any mass since the downfall. He is still huge. I doubt this is helping him hit good golf shots, either.
Still, it all comes down to putting, so if he can putt well at Augusta, then he can win it. In fact, I will state here that the winner will be the person who putts the best. Not the person person who hits it the furthest or hits the most fairways or greens, or gets up and down the most from bunkers, but the person who misses the fewest short putts. Tiger has putted poorly the last few Masters, and would have won a couple if he had putted well.

Round 5 - Day 81

So there's a home-buyers strike going on in Melbourne. Hey, I've been on a Ferrari-buyers strike for twenty years, and I will not give in! Stupid. But if these stories are making the papers, then the great housing boom in Australia might finally be over. Thank Christ. But I shudder to think what will happen to all those young couples who earn 50K a year who bought or built half million dollar houses. People think if you buy a house, you've sewn up your future. You're set. That might have been true twenty years ago when houses were affordable, but I don't think it's true at the moment. It might be true in another twenty years, but not after a lot of pain. Look what has happened in Ireland, the U.K., Spain, America. People are in all sorts of trouble because they bought an over-valued asset with the assumption that its value will only increase. A house is only worth what people will pay for it, and what people will pay for it is based on how easy credit is to get from the bank. When the banks make it tougher to get money, fewer people have access to money, prices go down. That's what is happening. And when the house across the street won't sell at 50K less than what you paid for yours, you have no equity any more. It's gone. You are paying more than you can afford to keep an asset that is worth much less than what you bought it for, and will be for the next ten years. You can sell it and lose your down-payment, at least, as well as all the money you've spend paying interest on the mortgage, but then you're back to square one looking for a place to live, except this time you have no money. Or you can wait it out, praying you don't get laid off, trying not to hit the wife or kids, trying not to drink too much, not being able to afford a night out at the movies or a holiday to Queensland ever.
As soon as it became speculative, it got dangerous. The smart people bought ten years ago, and sold last year. Or early 2008, if they were geniuses. The smart people have spent the last two years getting ready, getting liquid, getting rid of any asset that they can't sell in five minutes so they are ready when the world falls apart again like it did in 2008. Do you think they are going to let themselves be caught out twice? Not a chance in hell.
Watch for the politicians and bankers to come out of the woodwork this year and position themselves as the mavericks, the ones who warned everybody of the impending doom before it happened. Look out for bankers and politicians warning people about being indulgient or reckless, so when the shit hits the fan, they can say, well, I warned you! Ask them if they supported the doubling of the first home owners grant in 2008 when it was clear the bubble had popped, effectively zombifying the housing boom, damning millions of young people who have since mortgaged their lives away in a propped-up, DOA housing market to a life of slavery. Ask them if they support negative gearing, which inflates rents. Or, more to the point, ask if they have recently sold any their own investment properties. Bet you they have.
Will it be as bad as it is in America? Or Ireland? Or Spain? Probably. Why would it be any different? The Spanish have an expression they use when they talk about their housing boom. Instead of saying "Back in the 2000's,...", or "During the housing boom,...". They say "When we were rich, ..." Is that what it's going to be like in Australia? What effect will there be on the economy, on society, when millions of "working families", to use one of Acting Assistant Regional Manager Kevin Rudd's favourite phrases, are under incredible pressure week after week for years on end, watching their dreams of a secure retirement vanish, with a mortgage they will never pay off, stuck in a house they can't afford but can't sell? Have a look at America. How's it going there? An absolute catastrophe.