Noob Golf

Looking over the blog entries of the last few months, there is less and less fitness stuff, and more and more dross. I want my blog to be motivating, inspirational, entertaining, informative. Most of all, I want positive passion in my blog. I could rant for hours about things that shit me, but that doesn't do anyone any good. I tried inserting some Japanese here and there, and more recently, music. But the truth is, neither really interest me enough to keep writing about them. But there's one thing I could write about forever, and that's what I'm going to do.
It's a new section called "Noob Golf". If you are new to the game, or you're thinking about pulling out that filthy set of clubs from under the house and having a bash, then this section will be invaluable. If you play golf regularly, then I hope I can shave a few shots off your score, and make the experience as pleasant as possible.
When you are doing something that is new or you are not good at, it can be humiliating. That's part of the process, and part of the fun, kind of. But one thing you don't want to be is a noob. If I was starting golf, I wouldn't want other golfers, better golfers, to look at me and think, oh shit, noob. Is it vain? Sure.
Living in Japan, which is golf mad and full of practical people, I've come to see golf from more of a logistical point of view. There are golf shops everywhere, and driving ranges everywhere, which are always packed. But, and here's the main thing, the avid Japanese golfer might only play once or twice a year on a real, actual course. It's more about tinkering with clubs and equipment and practicing than anything else. So today I begin by talking about equipment.
What do you need before you step on to a course, and how can you avoid noob mistakes?
Today we'll talk about the bag, and what you need to put in it. I'm not talking about clubs or balls today. That's a whole nutha' post.

First, whatever balls you use, you will need half a dozen with you at all times. Asking a partner for a ball when you have just hit your last one out of bounds or in a pond is the final humiliation for a golfer, and it means you'll probably have to keep asking them for more before you finish. You never, ever want this to happen. Buy a box of a dozen, put half of them in your bag, and replenish them. Also, as you play, keep an eye out for lost balls. Never walk past an out of bounds fence or a pond or river without giving it a glance. These balls are great for practice, or for those rounds when you are playing horribly and don't want to scuff up or lose a new one. But be discriminating. Never pick up a ball that you wouldn't pay money for.
You never want to think about tees. Buy a heap of them, long, short, white, pink, anything, and put them in a resealable bag and forget about them. You should never break a tee. Insert the ball and tee as a single unit, and wiggle it around a little in the turf so that it has room to room. Not so much that the ball cannot be supported, but enough so that it is not jammed into the turf like a concreted post. You want to carry two tees in your pocket at all times, right pocket for right handers; a long one for your driver, and a short one for everything else. Colour depends on your mood, but bright, fluoro colours are popular because they are easier to find after you've hit your tee shot. Another use for the tee is to clean the grooves of your irons, though really there should never be dirt or mud in your grooves. More on that in another post.
Always have a ball marker in your pocket. Most professionals use a coin, but coins can easily be kicked away by careless partners unaware of where your marker is. Use plastic, bright coloured markers with the single spike on the bottom.
Finally, have a ball mark repairer in your pocket. A nice, steel one. Some players use tees, but they are not designed to lift turf and can break easily. Use a ball mark repairer and learn how to use it properly, and enjoy the process because often it means you've hit a nice iron into the green and have birdie putt coming up. On the greens you want to be calm, you want the right tools for the job, and you want to be a perfectionist.
Keep your card in an easily accessible pocket in your bag, with a pencil that can be clipped onto the card. If you keep your card and pencil in your back pocket, you will be forever losing these pencils when you are taking your glove out of your back pocket, which is where you should put it when you are not using it. Not your side pocket. They always seem to fall out of side pockets, and it makes it harder to find your marker or tees etc.
Buy a glove, maybe two. They last a while, but really deteriorate quickly when playing in the wet. Speaking of wet, buy an umbrella, and wet weather gear. Wet weather pants are great to wear not only when it's raining, but also when it is muddy, because they protect your pants. Make sure they have slots so you can access you pant pockets.
Other things to keep in your bag? A box of band aids for blisters or bleeding calluses. Sunscreen. A hat (a spare one). A hand towel. Tissues or wet ones for emergencies (you might be miles from a toilet but only feet from dense woods). Pencils, spare cards, lighters if you smoke. Set aside a pocket of your bag for your keys, phone, and anything else not a permanent item. Make sure this pocket is empty of other things, and make sure it is always closed or sealed when you are not needing it. If you finish a round to discover your phone or keys are missing, the only choice you have is to wait and hope that someone playing behind you happened to find them and pick them up, or to retrace your steps (they could be miles away).
Buy a nice pair of shoes, and look after them. While playing, occasionally use a tee or your ball mark repairer to scrape mud and grass off the soles of your shoes. They can build up around your spikes and make things quite slippery. After the round, brush grass or mud off your shoes and give them a wipe with a cloth. Make sure that your spikes are on tight, and replace ones that have fallen off. Avoid the shoes with those silly flaps over the laces, but also ones that look like sneakers. You're playing golf, not basketball. Two-tone shoes always look great.
Get a practice bag, and slowly fill it up with balls you have used a few times, and balls you have found. They should always be white, and clean. You don't need more than twenty.
Apart from the shoes and the practice bag, everything should be in your bag all the time. You can buy a monstrous bag like the pros use, though I really don't see the need. I recommend buying a light-weight carry bag, but only if it has retractable legs that pop out when you place the bottom of the bag on the ground. The bags these days are incredibly light, and when you get the straps worked out, rather conformable. I prefer them for a number of reasons over a bag and buggy. First, they fit in any car boot, and preparation involves getting it out of the boot and nothing more. Second, you can walk anywhere on the golf course. You are not restricted to paths and roped off areas. Third, it is much easier to manage them if it is raining. The only thing that bothers me about them is having to also carry the damn sand bucket. Having to carry that is a pain, and I find that I have usually forgotten to pick it up somewhere in the first few holes (unintentionally, usually). Consider a plastic flask thingy that can hook to your bag.
Some of you may not want to carry your bag but prefer to pull or push it. Buy a buggy. Buy one with wide, plastic wheels, not the pneumatic type, and buy one with a seat. If you have a small carry bag, buy a small buggy. A big bag, a big buggy. Be warned that with a buggy, you can only push or pull them (usually they are pulled behind you) which upsets your usual stride, which can lead to the same problems you think you are avoiding by not carrying your bag – namely, a sore back. Battery-powered buggies can help, but here you are getting complicated, and we want to avoid that. So, with bags and buggies, go light, go slim, and go easy.
Next time, I'll talk about clubs and balls.