Week 10 underway

March 17 - Homesickness. It's like a really slow and boring roller coaster that goes up and down, up and down. I hate it. It starts when I notice the things that don't usually bother me - power lines that block out the sun, men spitting on the street, another TV show about food. Then I might catch a glimpse of Australia on TV, like now when I watch Biggest Loser. So big and clean and green. I can play golf, visit friends. I think of ways my sons would be different if they were raised in Australia.
The thing is, if I go back to Australia, my life would be a struggle. I don't have to worry about employment here. Can you imagine what a relief that is to a guy with a BS degree and no qualifications or experience? I want to have what I have here over there, basically. Well paying job, hobbies, and a family. Am I working to make this happen? No, not really. That's something I need to get sorted.
Anyway, as is always the case, homesickness makes me lazy, so I decided not to get up today and do the workout. I was a bit of a wreck last night. So maybe I can do it tonight, and if I can't, then today is a rest day and I'll start again tomorrow. And I'll have to try and stay positive about where I am. Spring is nearly here, and for three weeks a year when the cherry blossoms bloom, I would actually describe this place as "pretty." Oh yea, and I'm going to have another son in a couple of weeks! I keep forgetting.
I've had a hard time of it lately. It started two weeks ago when I get home from work, all ready for a four day weekend, when Junko tells me that at Will's checkup that afternoon, the doctor told her that Will was "a little different." My first thought was "It's started already." The doctor didn't elaborate, but he did offer training to aid communication.
Japanese people are absolutely fascinated by themselves. There are hundreds of bullshit theories like how the hemisphere's of Japanese people's brains are different, or their intestines are longer. Being Japanese is what defines them. So when they see Will, he is not Japanese. He was born here, has a J passport, but he can never be Japanese. He is a "Haafu" (half). "Oh, halfs are so cute!" "I wish I had a half!" they say. Halfs dominate the fashion magazines and clothing pamphlets. There are half a dozen famous halfs - celebrities, athletes etc. They stand out. And Japanese people watch them, looking for ways they are different, because if they weren't different, then what would being Japanese mean? Will doesn't look Japanese for a start. His hair is the colour of my hair, and he has big, expressive eyes. He's bigger than the other boys. And he's a little bit different, I'll admit. He sings and dances constantly, doesn't listen, and doesn't really like playing with other kids. He is three years old for god's sake. He's not autistic or anything, but he's a fraction odd. But that whole weekend that doctor had me looking at Will, looking for differences just like these people do, and I hate that doctor for that. It took me a few days to come to this realization, and to remind myself that the goal is for Will to be different, because if he becomes another drone with bad teeth and no imagination, I won't have done my job as a father.
*Sigh* Fuck it. I'm going to work out tonight, and put in 100% intensity. Tomorrow is my Friday (because it's a Wednesday), and we've got a farewell party after work for the people from my department who have been laid off. I'm pretty sure there won't be a repeat of the end of year party when I dropped $200 at a Philippino bar before going home and vomiting in my bed. A couple of beers, speak a bit of Japanese, and then home.
Enough with the rant.
March 18 - Whoa! We just had a blow up in the office between a couple of Japanese staff, F and K. They are both dicks, but F does all the work, and K is the guy I told you about who has been working on a "Moving Manual" for nearly a year with nothing to show for it. He is old, and a shell of a man. He literally does not listen. It's like if you say, "I don't think we should do A for these reasons," he will say, "Ok then, let's do A." I have heard him do this many times in meetings.
It's fair to say the pressure is on. The people who are leaving have been laid off because they work for a temp agency (mind you, they've been working here for several years), and they do all the work. The 正社員 ("seishain," or "proper workers") are the famous Japanese "job for life" people that the rest of the world looks at like it's a fantastic thing, and they do nothing because there is no chance of them ever being fired. Well, now, after in some cases decades of refining and perfecting the art of doing nothing, they have to do some fucking work! With actual deadlines! And the pressure is showing. It's funny, because the temp workers haven't even left yet! F and K were having a discussion this morning, and F suddenly yelled "It's not just you! It's not just you!" or something, and the whole floor went silent. The boss, whose favourite saying is "Be kind to others, and strict on yourself," is talking with K now.
The new seating positions have been leaked, and there is some serious behind-the-scenes lobbying for changes. I-san is in charge of the positions. I-san is the type of guy who suggests that everyone stands up when we have meetings because it helps everyone think better. An asshole, in other words. His attitude is that each department should sit together to aid "komyunikeeshon". The idea that people don't want to communicate with certain people, an idea which can be found in all and any culture, dating from pre-history to now, is alien to guys like I-san. It is giving in to the humanity we all possess, a humanity that prevents Japanese people from achieving their true destiny - a nation of automatons ruling the world economy by hard work and patient study.
Check it out - At my desk, I can see about sixty other people at their desks. There are about two hundred people working on my floor. This building has three floors, and it's not even the main building. Yet, we don't have a fridge, a coffee machine, a microwave. We have a tap, a green tea dispenser, and a vending machine full of canned coffee. We don't even have a bin in the kitchen. A cardboard box in the corner has been slowly filling with tea bags and wrappers over the last year. It won't be removed because it's no-one's job to remove it. There are cleaners, but it's not their job to remove a cardboard box full of rubbish. Do you see?
Why? Because it would be weak to have fridge. If we had a fridge, then everyone would bring their own drinks, and then the fridge will be full. And this would create problems. And it would have to become someone's job to make sure that people regularly removed their drinks from the fridge so it wouldn't become full and.. *sigh*. It's too much work. No-one would do it.
If we had a microwave? Then everyone would bring their own lunch, and it would get dirty, then someone would have to clean it, but no-one would, and then it would get disgusting... *sigh*. Same with the coffee machine. If there's one thing I have learnt about Japanese people, if they don't have to do something, they don't do it. I don't think they can. Initiative is as foreign to Japanese people as restraint is to Australians.
March 19 - Wow. Reading back the last few days. I'm not sure if I should post them, because they are just bitchy and have nothing to do with my workout. But living here is sometimes a struggle, and writing about it helps, and if I don't post it, then it's kind of like talking to yourself, isn't it. So I'll post them.
I feel a lot better today. It's Thursday, a beautiful day, and I've got another four days off. The farewell party was ordinary. One guy who is leaving, probably the coolest guy in the department, didn't come to the party. He probably feels pissed off, though he doesn't show it. After the meal the other two people gave speeches. The Chinese lady who's leaving cried when she gave a speech, so that was sad. Then one of the J staff said to our manager, "Boss, would you like to say a few words?" "What?" he said. "No way!" and laughed. What a guy. He did get up eventually and said something like do your best and good luck etc. Asshole.
This morning I did Plyo, and then went and helped out at Junko's family's supermarket. And now I'm going for a ride on my motorcycle. See ya!